March 2012


I offer up my words to
you today, because they are all
I have to give to you.

I offer up to the LORD
all that is in me, and
all that I have. Even including
my girls; my dose of  sunshine!

Lizzy-Jane, has been pledged to You
as Your servant, and I will
not renig.  Claire, my happy baby
is Yours too, do with her
what You will, because I know
Your will is always the best!

Beautiful lyrics
Days will come when you don’t have the strength
And all you hear is you’re not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart
They’d see too much

You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You’re beautiful

Praying that you have the heart to fight
Cuz you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you’ve held inside so long
But they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You’re beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You’re the one He madly loves
Enough to die!!!

You’re beautiful,
You’re beautiful In His eyes
You’re beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful!
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You’re beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful!
You are treasured
You are sacred
You are His

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I *LOVE* this album. I’ve been listening to it a lot lately. “Move”, is the song that made me look up the album. I just love that song. And, the more I listen to this album on Spotify, the more I want to listen to it, and the more I find new songs that I love.

Today I was just taking a short break on the computer. My baby was asleep, and my toddler was out with GG, buying new shoes. So, I had some quite time.

I discovered this song, ya’ll, and it blew my mind. How could I have not noticed it before?

I thought you would enjoy the lyrics. I hope you do.

They are so timely for me. This is so much how I felt while I was depressed. I ached from the inside out, and felt completely worthless. But, that is not the TRUTH. The TRUTH that the word of God has laid out before me. I am HIS. He died for me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And, He knows the plans He has for me.

There’s one more thing I want to share with you today, a verse my husband showed to me this past weekend. It also is extremely timely! I hope you can see why!!

 

1 Peter 5:10

New King James Version (NKJV)

10 But may[a] the God of all grace, who called us[b] to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

I have certainly suffered for QUITE a while. And, I am now ready to trust in His promises. I am ready to be perfected, established, strengthened and settled!!

In my sense of things, my
view of the world, it is
like the light just came on.
The birds are singing, the colors
are brilliant, it’s not just because
Spring has Sprung. It is because
I have FINALLY been released from
my depression! You go Dr. for
finding a *cocktail* of medicines that
seem to work. After six and
a half years. What a long
time to wait for my eyes
to open up to beauty. Alas!
I am joyful and hopeful. At
last! Pure sunshine have I found!!

4.) Pinterest Challenge, find something you’ve pinned, TRY it and share it. Was it worth pinning?

Caroline Ross onto Art Work

My friend Eric painted this picture. You should check out his other work. He has an ETSY shop called McRay Studios. He also had a website by the same name.

I pinned this painting for three reasons:

1. I wanted to practice pinning pins on my own, not just repinning stuff.
2. I also wanted to support my friend, Eric, and get him some publicity on Pinterest.
3. And, I’m also an artist, and I wish I could call myself a dancer. I just love ballerina art. And, I love these two children together, both practicing their passions.

I met Eric when I was doing a collection of one-acts in Raleigh, NC. The show was called Women Speak, and was done by the Raleigh Ensemble Players (REP). I don’t know if they still do, but at the time the REP performed in the Art Space downtown, and Eric had a studio right beside the REP offices. I met him on one of my first days of rehearsals. And, we became friends. Then a couple of years later I bought my first ever original work of art from him.

Here it is!

I’m sorry it is not great photo quality. I couldn’t seem to get a good one, and I couldn’t find the picture that Eric and I took together with the painting, when I bought it. *Oops*

Was it worth the try? Pinning this pin? For sure! It’s always great to help a friend, and it is mighty fine to look at. I’m sure many people would enjoy repining this piece of art.

Now I just need to practice some more. Pins, Pins and more pins!

Well, you’ve probably noticed I’ve been gone for a while. Two months to be exact. I’ve been really depressed for three months, and then it just got worse. The past two months have been unbearable. I felt like I couldn’t do anything. It was a very hopeless feeling. And, then it just got so bad that I was scared, so I went to the hospital.

I had a productive 6 day stay. I feel like maybe, finally, my medication is the right cocktail. It’s been 6 1/2 years since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It’s normal for it to take 2-5 years to find a good balance in your medication. Atleast that is what I have read and heard. But 6 1/2!!! I was really starting to feel that my fate was cursed and I was never going to feel well for longer than 3 weeks again! I had lost all hope, and I was angry!

So, last Tuesday night, when my husband got home from work we went to the hospital. My parents had already picked up my two beautiful daughters and taken them home with them. So, we went to the nearest emergency room and waited. And, waited. And, waited. Chris actually had to go home and get some sleep, because he wakes up at 4am for work, and he really must work!

When all was told I was in the ER for 19 hours before they finally found a bed for me.

The bed was at another hospital…an hour away. So I had to be transported to the new hospital. And, I had to be transported by a…COP! I had to ride in the back of a cop car! There is really *no* leg room back there.  And, the worst part was that I had to be handcuffed the WHOLE time. I was terrified that I would see someone I knew, and they would think I had broken some law. But I definitely hadn’t! I was simply sick. I was simply suffering a brain malfunction!!

The best part about the stay was the therapy session I had on my last day. They were truly  encouraging, informative and helpful. I truly felt ready to go home and face the challenges of daily living.

The other best part was the connection I was able to make with people who are suffering with the very same illness as me! People who REALLY understood, and were willing to open up and enjoy our shared time together.

There’s nothing like good peer relationships. The support and help you get is unparalleled.

And, now my primary goal with discharge is to find a group therapy/class that I can go to as an out patient. Wish me luck!!

And, please be kind. I am pouring my heart out afterall!

Thanks Shell for sharing this link up every week.