I went to a wedding this weekend. The bride was truly beautiful. One of the passages they read was from Psalm 139. It really touched my heart, and I wanted to share with you how I was affected.  First of all take a look at the passage.

 

Psalm 139 (New King James Version)

Psalm 139

For the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.
 1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

Isn’t it beautiful? It’s one of my all time favorites. But, even though I know it very well, it was able to touch me in a very special and new way. As you all know if you follow my blog or know me personally, I’ve been struggling a lot lately with my mental illness.  I’ve come to the point of wanting to give up many times. And, I remember specifically many times sitting in church and listening to the message. I listened as the Pastor spoke of suffering, healing and living for Christ, and my heart just cried out for healing. Many times. Yet I felt like it would never happen. I guess that is an example of my glaring lack of faith. This depression just feels so overwhelming and all encompassing at times. I honestly just DO NOT want to live like this anymore. It is hard. And I feel like I can’t live the life I want to live, and do the things I want to do, because this disease has me tied down.
The verse that really stuck out to me as I sat at that wedding was verse 14: I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am. Those are powerful words to me. It is one of the names of our Lord. I am. It is very provocative and simple. Simply put, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I must rejoice in that. Even with my flaws I am enough. I am the way I am for a purpose, even though I can rarely see that purpose.
As I read back over this passage, and meditate on it more, another verse pops out to me.  Well two verses actually. Verses 7 and 8.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
Even when I am in the throes of my depression, in the very depths of misery, the Lord is there with me. Whether I feel Him or not, I can trust in the Truth of his Word. He IS there. And, His thoughts toward me are uncountable. I can take comfort in that. I want to cling to this knowledge, and suck every bit of comfort out of it.
So, thank you Kristen, for getting married, and having that passage read at your wedding. It really meant a lot to me. It touched my soul, and renewed my hope and faith.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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