The depression monster has taken over my life. It is affecting everything! Such as; the kitchen, the laundry, my ability to refill my prescription, my blogging, my sleeping (which I could do almost all the time!) my ability to plan meals, my ability to leave the house.
Some things do still get done. But, they are of course EXTREMELY important, such as Easter Sunday, and the monologue I promised to perform. And, they take every ounce of energy I have.
Some of you may have read this article, which I wrote while I was riding an almost four week string of *GOOD DAYS*! I was soaring so high! And, it wasn’t mania!! It was just good old fashioned happiness and productivity. Why did the bottom have to fall out? And, on the very afternoon AFTER visiting my psychiatrist and telling her how well things were going. Now I don’t see her for a couple more weeks. And what can she really do anyway? Bipolar I disorder is really just a great mystery!! And, I am the guinea pig!! Anyway, that was the longest string of good days I’ve had in years….now I’ve completed two weeks of *VERY BAD DAYS* with no end in site. I’m so frustrated with my illness!
It started out as just simple exhaustion. Which could be considered very normal, being as how I’m pregnant and raising a toddler! But, for me, when I start feeling excessively tired, I start getting down on myself for not being as productive and then I somehow get *stuck* down in the dumps. I cry a lot. I sleep. I find it very difficult to focus on anything. Bathing becomes almost impossible. Why do I get stuck here? Why can’t I break the pattern by shear will power?
I don’t know. But, what I really want is someone to comment on this blog and tell me they understand. I mean REALLY understand. Maybe you could refer someone you know to my blog, someone who would understand. I really want to set up a community of bloggers who understand that sometimes there is no blog for several days, because the depression monster has taken over. I really need some encouragement. And, I just want to know that I am not alone. I want to know that other people understand! So, do you? Understand?