This is my first attempt at writing a villanelle. Please be gentle. It is also my first attempt at writing for one of Mama Kat’s writing prompts. The prompt was for a description of childhood depression. But, I wasn’t depressed when I was a child, so I’m modifying it to write about what depression is like now, as a would be adult.

If I Lay Still, Darkness May Engulf Me

If I lay still, darkness may engulf me.
There’s no color left, and the world is flat.
I should rage against death, instead I flee.

If I were smarter,  my brain would still be
Bright and full, instead it is a blank mat.
If I lay still, darkness may engulf me.

I have to force myself to say maybe.
I used to get mad and I cried, I laughed.
I should rage against death, instead I flee.

I slip out into the darkness, the sea
Of my depression is still, like a rat.
If  I lay still, darkness may engulf me.

My mind aches for meaning, but is empty.
I search for answers, but they all seem pat.
I should rage against death, instead I flee.

I plead, beg the darkness to release me.
Instead, I remain, like a buzzing gnat.
If I lay still, darkness may engulf me.
I should rage against death, instead I flee.

Advertisements